Those of you who know me, knows that I lost a precious person in my life. A week ago Wednesday I lost my 22 year old niece because of a mental health condition and a drug overdose. I lovingly called her my favorite redhead.
Mary Beth was different from the rest of my nieces and nephews, it was evident from the time she was a young child. She was spirited and had the drama to go along with her red hair. Her personality sparkled, she was flamboyant, stubborn and loving. She had no idea how many lives she touched or how deeply she was loved.
She was a talented artist. She could draw anything and it looked like it would belong on display. She was talented in ceramics, cooking and many other things in the art world. She loved animals, horses and had a deep love with her pet dog Lily. She entertained at a rest home where she would share her talents as an artist and spend time with the elderly.She had a normal childhood. One with two loving parents that beyond trying to help her. She was raised in a Christian church and was saved at an early age. But, there was a problem. When Mary Beth turned 12 or her early teen years she started downing herself and those around her. I discovered this when we spent a week on the beach in a home called SoundProof. The family had taken a family vacation. I’m not sure if her parents knew back then and I had passed it off as normal teenage behavior. You know when you have that gut feeling when you know there is something wrong and you can’t figure out what it is? Well, I had that. I blame myself for not saying something sooner. You see, I should have seen it. I had and still do suffer from Depression and Anxiety disorder, and it isn’t fun. I still struggle every day.
Mary Beth suffered with Depression and Anxiety brought on from Agoraphobia. For those that do not know what this is , it an irrational fear of being in a situation where you feel trapped, embarrassment or feeling helpless. Simply put, it is the feeling of not being in control.
Each year, approximately 20 million Americans aged 12 and older suffer from a substance use disorder. More than eight million will have co-occurring substance use disorders an mental health disorders, and about one-third of those who develop agoraphobia will be included in this group.
Unfortunately Drug abuse was the only way she escaped her fears if only for a short time. When the drugs wear off it leaves you with a heightened fear and anxiety which leads to a more addictive behavior.
She fought and had gone to drug abuse clinics to try to improve her situation and for a time it appeared she was on the right path and was on to healing. It wasn’t meant to be. It is my effort to put forth the information and educate the mind of a person with mental health issues and to seek out help if you feel there are problems or you see someone or suspect there is an issue. A family has lost their youngest child. A brother and sister have lost a sibling. No parent should have to bury their child. My heart breaks for them. I know I will miss her greatly.
It is my intent to live my life to be able to fulfill the life Mary Beth is missing. I don’t if I will be successful. You see, I have struggled with claustrophobia, panic disorder and depression for years. It has led to my drug of choice, Food. Although it is not as deadly as what Mary Beth chose, it is killing me little by little. Food has become my comfort, it’s what I go to when I am stressed, upset or anxious. Just like a drug its effects last for a short time, then it leaves you filled with shame. So this is my plan and I hope I can stick to it , to live a more productive and gratified life than I have been in honor of my favorite Redhead.
